Do I have blockages or leaks in my heart?

There have been many thoughts swirling through my heart and mind the last few days, and it is possible that they all flow together. Writing occasionally helps to see the trail between them, so here goes. 

It started when my husband opened the back of our house to find and repair the leaking drain pipe. The thought was he would open the wall, find the leak, replace the plumbing and put it back together. Upon opening it, he learned that the pipe had been punctured by a nail and it had leaked causing the wood to rot. I felt something stirring on this. This is the picture that was taken of the damage that was beneath the surface.

While this was being opened up, our church's plumbing was backing up. Having cleaned out and repaired all we knew to do did not fix it, so we had to call a plumber. He found a couple of things that were causing issues, repaired them, and left. That night there were still problems so we needed him to come back to finish the job. 

One system had leaks, and the other had blockages- both if left alone would have caused terrible damage to the perspective building. 

The leaky pipe that caused rot is like a heart that has been hurt from words that have been said, or even thought about a person. Words that were filled with lies, or hate, and they pierced them. If that hurt is left alone, it can "leak" and cause "rot" in my heart. Holding onto that hurt simply hurts me, not the one that did the hurting. 

Bitterness can be described, or defined, as unresolved anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly.

Matthew 6: 14-15 says this- "If you forgive those who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." (NLT)

The Message translation says it this way, "In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part."

Picture what had that pierced the pipe as the sharp words, or hurtful actions. If it is left open and raw without being cleaned and covered then dirt and germs can get in the wound causing infection. In the same way, if that hurt is not forgiven, the sting of that turns into unforgiveness, or bitterness. 

Ephesians 4: 31-32 says this, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you." (NIV) 

“Get rid of ALL bitterness…” I don’t want to hold onto hurt, I want to clean the wound, if you will. I know my tendency is to cover and hide the hurt, going on like nothing is wrong until it has festered and become more painful than it needed to be. It is a habit I need to break, with His help.

Then Hebrews 12: 15 says, "Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many." (NLT)

This simply brings home that bitterness can be some like a poison to my life. 

The question could be asked then, how do I get rid of bitterness? How do I resolve that anger?

It takes God to get through it all. He will help forgive those that haven't asked for it. He will take the sting out of what hurt. He may show me that the person didn't mean it that way, or realize that what was said was hurtful. 

    He is my peace- even through the hurtful things.

    He will help me to see that I am His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10- NLT)

He will help me to see myself through His eyes.

He helps...period!

The second problem was the pipes that were found to have blockages. These blockages had probably been building over the years, and then some of the pipes had not been used as much for a while. When the use went up again, it wouldn't flow as well because of what was in the pipes. 

                                                                 (Image captured from Blocked pipe hi-res stock photography and images - Alamy)

Occasionally, there are parts of our life that may potentially be like blockages in our life. It could be anything from a family habit, to a stronghold (from habitual reactions to circumstances that have been painful, for self protection), to incorrect thought processes. Watchman Nee said that hurts, and attacks if not opposed right away, they can cause us not to be able to maintain our ground. 

Just the word "blockage" and the symptoms of the plumbing system makes me think of constipation. It is not a pleasant experience, for anyone. It brings discomfort, aches, and it makes it difficult to think of much else. When trying to "fix" this situation, we take the steps we know to take, and we ask the Lord for help, for breakthrough. Often, adding more water will at least help. (Water of the Word, right?) Sometimes, adding a little more oil/fat to our diet can help, too. (Oil resembles the Holy Spirit). It is amazing how weak you feel with that blockage there, knowing that without relief it could be very detrimental. 

I see the similarities in the situations. I see how important it is to make sure not to have any "leaks" or any "blockages.  I don't want to have the stronghold that comes from my reaction to what has happened, or what I've felt. I want Him to be my stronghold, my protector, my fortress in times of trouble. 

Lord, help me. Help me not to have leaks or blockages in my heart. Help me not to succumb to hurts, and the fiery darts that are thrown at me. Help me to listen closely to you, to know when the hurts first happen, so I can oppose them, and maintain the ground that You have already helped me to gain. Help me not to let the poison of bitterness work rot in my heart. Help me to allow Your love and forgiveness to flow freely in my heart to those that have hurt me, even when it is that I have hurt myself. 

Thank you for your love.

Do You KNOW??

Do you KNOW who you are? Do you KNOW whose you are?? 

I mean really know it, deep down, in your heart.

It is one thing to know who my mom is and who my dad is; but to know that I am Mary Beth, I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a Nana. (Not what I do- but WHO I AM.)

But the question goes deeper than my parents, and this earthly life and identity. 

This is a path that I have been studying and following for quite a few years, now; and it is time for another look at it.

The path started when I was struggling with who I thought I was and has moved to a better, more solid knowledge of that which has brought me to a place where I am less bothered with what others may say or think about me. But it is a journey, and I am still, occasionally, knocked off balance. 

I don't know about you, but often I need to hear things over and over and over again for me to remember them.

I have had a couple of months of struggling again- not that I didn't know I am loved, and that I am His daughter, but other thoughts were causing shadows, and some doubt was creeping into my thoughts. Plus, I had allowed other things to become my focus, for too long. 

Then a couple of nights, last week, I wasn't sleeping well; but as I would wake up to the same song and pretty much the same lines of that song. The first day I woke up to it, I took metal note, and played it a few times to listed to the words. That evening, I received an email that was sent to be encouraging, and the message was along the same theme. The very next morning, I woke up to the exact same song- same basic part of the song, so I knew there was something that I needed to hear - even if it is something I've heard, I needed it afresh.

The song I was hearing is Adoption Song. It is on Brandon Lake's album Coat of Many Colors. 

The part I was hearing says this:

"I renounce the lie that I don't measure up

I renounce the lie I'm unworthy of Your love

And when shame comes knocking and fear starts talking

I will lift my hands

In Your presence, You remind me who I am

I am adopted

I am beloved

It's my inheritance

I'm a child of God

So when the liar

Starts mouthing off

I'll sing in confidence

My adoption song"

The first lines (in bold) remind me that sometimes I need to speak to myself, and I need to speak to the enemy to "renounce" the lies, and those attempts to take my focus from the Lord. 

The first Biblical example that I thought of with this, is David, in the book of Psalms 42. In verses 9 and 10 he is struggling and verse 11, it is like he is shaking himself. Here is the passage.

Psalm 42: 9-11 - "I will say to God my Rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" As with a breaking of my bones, my enemies reproach me, while they say to me all day long, "Where is Your God?" Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God." (NKJV)

The last verse in the Passion Translation says it this way, "So I say to my soul, "Don't be discouraged. Don't be discouraged. Don't be disturbed. For I know my God will breakthrough for me." Then I'll have plenty of reasons to praise him all over again. Yes, he is my saving grace!"

But then the Message translation says it like this, "Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God - soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God." 

Proverbs 4:23 tells me this: "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." (NKJV)

The Message says it this way, "Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts."

When I notice the thoughts that do not line up with what God says about me, do I let them take root? 

Do I renounce them? 

Do I speak to myself, to encourage myself, and remind myself what God says about me?

Do I know what He says about me? 

Ephesians 2: 10 says, "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." (NLT)

Psalm 139: 13-14 "You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside, and wove them all together in my mother's womb. I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it! How thoroughly you know me, Lord!" (TPT) 

In the NKJV- "For you formed my inward parts: You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my should knows very well."

Ephesians 1: 4 "Even before he made the world, God loves us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes." (NLT)

I am loved, by the One who laid down His life for me. I am the daughter of the King of kings! 

He chose me before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless. (Ephesians 1:4)

Knowing who I am, and whose I am, brings a solid foundation and a surety into all I do. 

Have you ever watched a show, or movie, where someone has amnesia? That person doesn't know who they are, what they like or don't like, what their normal day is like... they can't remember. 

That person walks and talks so much more timidly, and almost fearfully.

But, in walking out each day knowing that I am loved. I am chosen. I was created on purpose with a purpose. All of these and so much more that God says about me. 

Each fact solidifies in my heart that I am known, I am loved, I am not just here to live and eventually die.

Yes, I am human, and I have made mistakes. 

I am human, and I have sinned.

BUT GOD in His love knew that I would. He knew that I would need a Savior and He provided that for me!  Thank you, Jesus!

He did that for me, but He did it for each person, as if we were the only person. His love is so deep for me (and you)! 

He created me with a purpose. Is that purpose to DO something. Well, yes and no. 

Revelation 4: 11 says, "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created."

He created us FOR HIS PLEASURE.

He knows all that he put in me, both biologically and characteristically. He knows the talents He's given me, and the experiences I've had that have helped make me what/who I am right now, as I write this.

He has a plan for me, and He has seen what I need, when I'll need it before it ever is a need; and He is working everything for my good. (Romans 8: 28 "So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together for good, for we are His lovers who have been called to fulfill His designed purpose.(TPT)")

That says EVERY DETAIL. I know it may not seem like some details will work for good; but God is able to take even what looks terrible to us and turn it around. He is Almighty God. There is nothing impossible for him. (Luke 1: 37 - "For with God nothing will be impossible."-NKJV)

I feel like I am at that awkward young person stage- where I know what I can do, and I know what I should do, but I still am unsure that I am prepared to do it, so God is reminding me of it.

(Pic from "Freepik)

YES- I am loved!

YES- I am chosen!

YES- I am called!

YES- I am His daughter! 

YES- I will make a difference, it may not be nationwide, it may not be city wide, but it will impact those it is meant to impact.

YES- I have a purpose!

YES- I measure up to His design for my life!

YES- I am worthy of Your love!

Father, I thank you for your love for me! I ask for your forgiveness for allowing things to take my focus off of you and what you have for me to do. Help me to walk in the knowledge of who You are and who You called me to be- with the confidence in Your love and the calling and purpose You have for my life. Help me to impact others for You and for Your kingdom, Lord. Help me to remember who I am, and to remember whose I am, too. Thank you!

Does He Hear Faith From Me?

 While driving to an appointment today, the song Awake My Soul sung by Hillsong Worship came next on my playlist shuffle. I heard two lines, like they were sung with the microphone on, much louder than the other lines.

"Where we hear praises, He hears faith... and "Where we hear worship, He hears faith."

I know there are lines in between them, but these were the two lines that stood out. 

It really hit me.

It could have been from being a little out of sorts from hearing the news earlier today that a young man that we have known at church for about 7-8 years, at the ripe old age of 17 1/2, had a heart attack while playing football, and passed away. But, I believe it is a much needed reminder, at least for me.

I am aware of the scripture that says, "...that men always ought to pray and not lose heart." (Luke 18: 1b)

So, I have a list of people, and concerns and situations that I pray for often; like most people do, right?

Mark 11: 24 tell me, "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." (NKJV)

Or the Passion Translation says it this way, "This is the reason I urge you to boldly believe for whatever you ask for in prayer - be convinced that you have received it and it will be yours."

Am I praying with that attitude? Do I pray boldly believing? 

It can be overwhelming when I pray and the answer doesn't come how, or when, I thought it would. 

In praying for loved ones that are sick- do I boldly believe?

In praying for those in need- do I boldly believe?

Do I have faith, believing that what I ask for will come to pass?

I am reminded of reading a book years ago, written by Merlin Carothers, called Power in Praise. The basic message was not only do we take our requests to the Lord in prayer- but thanksgiving should be part of the prayer.

Psalm 100:4 says, "Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful unto Him, and bless His name." (NKJV) or in the Message it says it this way, "Enter with the password: "Thank you!" Make yourselves at home, talking praise. Thank him. Worship him."

Sometimes, the way the Message says it, hits me between the eyes. He says that "Thank you!" is the password. The posture of gratitude. 

Do I boldly believe and make sure to speak from a grateful heart?

When I heard the lyrics of the song today, it seemed that my mind went through many of the prayers that I pray often and have for a while. Prayers for family, for friends, and many other things... and I just started praising God. 

Lord, thank you! Thank you for who You are. Thank you for your love, for provision, Your blessings, Your strength. Thank you for this reminder to keep the heart posture of gratitude in all things. Help me to remember gratitude to enter Your presence. Thank you, so much!

He makes all things new!

 When you wake up in the morning, on New Year's Day hearing the words "Hallelujah, Hallelujah! He makes all things new, all things new!" with a melody playing... what do you do? 

Me? I search for it, thinking it is a current song that I've heard somewhere; but NOTHING comes up. 

So, I sit and wait for anything to come that would go along with it. So, this may ramble a bit; but this is the process to see where it goes. So please bear with me through this one.

I keep hearing the tune, and words rolling over and over in my heart and in my head... like a song on "repeat". 

"Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 

He makes all things new, all things new!"

As I hear them, and ponder just this part, I am overcome with awe and gratitude! 

I mean, I was  born with all the needed parts of who I was meant to be, because my Father and Creator knows exactly what I need to be part of me to do all I was created to fulfill. Somethings I will gain through learning and through life experience but in my DNA and in my person the natural parts are there.  

Walking through the ups and the downs of the journey of life, I am molded and shaped even more. Lessons learned through hurts and through celebrations. Examples in life that we follow and learn from, and have to learn again if the example may have been incorrect. Remember that God knew who my parents would be, he picked them! Remember that God knew every moment of my life, the choices I'd make and the circumstances that would come from those choices. 

Remember that God knows!

Last night, my husband and I actually stayed awake until after midnight! Who would have guessed?!?! It's the first time we've done that for quite a few years. =) We listened to some ministry, and then we worshipped as the old year passed and the new one started. 

We have had a full year of new... 

Evans in school for a new career, and getting a new license in real estate, the end of his 42 year career, and the beginning of the new one. Lots of learning - learning a new rhythm, in the house, in working together, in seeing how each day will work now.

"Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 

He makes all things new, all things new!"

When I think of the above lines, I think of 2 Corinthians 5: 17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (NKJV)

I love the mental picture that I get, in reading this verse. Coming to Christ, my old self (the part that doesn't line up with His plan for me) dies to make room for the "new".

A good picture of this is the way a deciduous tree goes through a given year. In the fall, the leaves start changing colors from the green of spring/summer life to the oranges, reds, and yellows before they fall off the limbs as the tree's life cycle; but then in spring it comes back. 

As life goes on, sometimes it feels like I'm loosing part of who I am- but in living surrendered to God and His plan, learning to trust that He knows what needs to go to make me a better person and to make me more like what His plan is for me.

"Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

He makes all things new, all things new!

He takes the old me, he takes the old thoughts

And gives a fresh point of view, for me and you

Each day, a promise, each day is fresh, 

Another "new" after each sunset

Come, fresh beginning

and steadfast love that freely is given

The fresh mercies each morning from Heav'n above

As we've passed from the old and into the new

May each day, week and month bring me closer to You

Each day filled with goodness

For that's who God is

Reminding, when needed, of His faithfulness

Then may my soul sing each morning to You

In praise for the night that You saw me through

Then as I head off to bed in the night

May my soul thank you

As I am kept by Your might

Today is new, and the year is new, too

The reminder I needed to keep looking to You

Each moment, each heart beat

Each day, week, and year

Are no longer important

If I choose not to hear

To hear what You're saying

To see the good plan

Your plan for the future

Your plan filled with hope

To trust that your plan brings me out of the old

To walk in the new me you want me to be

To honor your Kingdom, to bring you glory

Father, as I begin 2025, I know that there are things in my life that still need to be made "new". Some of my thoughts, some of my speech patterns and habits, sometimes it feels overwhelming. BUT I know that You have made me new, and I know that Your plans for me are good, and You bring me from the old into the new, every day. Help me to walk as I have learned as I've walked with you, and help me to rejoice in all You have done for me. Amen.