Have you ever felt invisible?
Have you felt that even though you are part of a large group/class/community, and have a few close friends, not very many others see you?
I have experienced that. It is not pleasant, and it undermined any confidence. It kind of made me feel a bit like I had a muzzle on, and that it was deserved.
During my teen years, it felt like when I shared an opinion, it may have not been valued. (These could have simply been my feelings- but it still was thoughts I experienced.) After going through that for a while, it made me tend to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. My confidence was not strong, and when I had some, I was occasionally accused of acting with a prideful attitude.
Part of what I had to learn was the difference between confidence and pride.
- Pride means "Inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one's own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others." (taken from https://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/pride#:~:text=1.,often%20in%20contempt%20of%20others.)
- Confidence means "A trusting, or reliance; an assurance of mind or firm belief in the integrity, stability or veracity of another, or in the truth and reality of a fact." (taken from https://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/confidence)
Pride is obviously not the goal. I am reminded of the Bible verse in Proverbs 16:18, it says "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." (NKJV) When my mother would see someone that was full of pride, she would say that they were "full of themself". I remember taking note of how they would treat others, and how they would act, and I knew that I didn't want to act like that. That doesn't mean that I haven't, but when I realized that had, or was, I would do my best to stop, and would talk with the Lord, and repent.
As a believer, being full of me, is not the goal, but being full of Him, and His Spirit. I want to be filled so full of Him that I overflow to others.
Confidence is a good thing. It's an assurance, a certainty, in something or someone. I know that my confidence is in the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth.
What can help me to be confident in life? Sometimes it is a look back, and sometimes it is a look up.
On days where I may feel a lack of confidence, what is the source of that feeling? It is often lies whispered in my ear, to keep me from saying something, or helping someone. But sometimes it is my own voice from the past, me remembering my own mistakes, my own mess ups and even though I have grown, and repented for the wrongs, I occasionally get stuck thinking that they hold me back, and make me not qualified to share, or help. So, I keep my mouth shut, keeping me invisible. That is a really good example of hiding my light, (Matthew 5:15) which is what I am NOT supposed to do. Matthew 5:16 tells me to "Let your light so shine before men."
How do I let my light shine before others? It is not to bring attention to me. It is to simply be what is needed where it is needed. It is to be the extended hand of Jesus, extending to others that He loves and cares for others, too.
What does it mean to be hidden, though. When I think of being hidden, I think of playing as a child, and with my kids and grandkids, the game Hide & Seek; I think of when the Lord tucked Moses in the cleft of the rock, when He passed by; and I think of The Hiding Place (where the ten Boom family had a secret place behind a closet for the Jews to hide.)
The last example really struck me. Hidden- the Jews were hidden from danger, they were not visible to the enemy. I have read stories of missionaries that were crossing borders into countries where it was illegal to take Bibles, or they were wanted there, and God literally "hid" them, or closed the eyes of those that meant harm.
(Photo taken from Person hiding behind tree Stock Photos - Page 1 : Masterfile)
If I am feeling invisible, I need to talk with the Father and see what it is in my heart that is causing this feeling. Sometimes, I may be feeling something that is truly happening, but I may instead be allowing my past to pull up the shields to keep me from hurt, or embarrassment, or just discomfort. I need to remember that many of those moments are divine appointments for a specific reason- because something that I have been through, can bless or encourage someone.
My testimony could help or strengthen someone else along their path, and that is part of why I am here, and why the enemy is trying to keep me shut down. Feeling invisible, is like the evidence that the basket is covering my light from shining, like I am supposed to do.
Hidden, like Moses, like the spies that were sent into Jericho, like David when he was running from Saul, and Paul when he was lowered over the wall in a basket... It is protection from something meant to stope me from doing something I am meant to do. Hidden is what Moses' mother and family did to save his life. Psalm 91:1 says, "When you abide under the shadow of Shaddai, you are hidden in the strength of God Most High." (TPT)
He is teaching me again, in new depths, that all of my life He has known me. When He first started revealing this to me, I heard this song that spoke straight to it. He Knows My Name sung by Francesca Battistelli. It seemed like she was singing about me and my life. The chorus reminded me that I don't need anytime or fortune, because all He knows me. He knew me before I was born, He knows everything there is to know about me, and He loves me. In the second verse, it is a reminder that staying invisible is not what I am created for, because He has given me a voice and a story that is meant to be told.
The thoughts of being "invisible" come to keep the voice/story, that is needed to be told, quiet. I need to lean on the confidence in Him, and not let fear keep me timid and quiet.
Lord, I thank you that I am here because You created me, and You have known me from before I was born. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for reminding me that all I have walked through, with You, gives me a testimony to share and encourage others. Help me to remember when I am feeling invisible, that I am always seen by You. Help me to share the story You have written on my life, so far, and that if you can do it for me, you can do it for others, too. Help me to pay attention to the shoulder taps, and the nudges, when You are leading me to share, and not to hide beneath the basket. Amen.
