Invisible or Hidden - He Knows My Name

 Have you ever felt invisible? 

     Have you felt that even though you are part of a large group/class/community, and have a few close friends, not very many others see you? 

(taken from https://theethicalist.com/how-to-stop-being-an-invisible-woman-today/)

I have experienced that. It is not pleasant, and it undermined any confidence. It kind of made me feel a bit like I had a muzzle on, and that it was deserved. 

During my teen years, it felt like when I shared an opinion, it may have not been valued. (These could have simply been my feelings- but it still was thoughts I experienced.) After going through that for a while, it made me tend to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. My confidence was not strong, and when I had some, I was occasionally accused of acting with a prideful attitude. 

Part of what I had to learn was the difference between confidence and pride. 

•     Pride means "Inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one's own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others." (taken from https://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/pride#:~:text=1.,often%20in%20contempt%20of%20others.)

• Confidence means "A trusting, or reliance; an assurance of mind or firm belief in the integrity, stability or veracity of another, or in the truth and reality of a fact." (taken from https://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/confidence)

Pride is obviously not the goal. I am reminded of the Bible verse in Proverbs 16:18, it says "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." (NKJV) When my mother would see someone that was full of pride, she would say that they were "full of themself". I remember taking note of how they would treat others, and how they would act, and I knew that I didn't want to act like that. That doesn't mean that I haven't, but when I realized that had, or was, I would do my best to stop, and would talk with the Lord, and repent. 

As a believer, being full of me, is not the goal, but being full of Him, and His Spirit. I want to be filled so full of Him that I overflow to others. 

Confidence is a good thing. It's an assurance, a certainty, in something or someone. I know that my confidence is in the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth. 

What can help me to be confident in life? Sometimes it is a look back, and sometimes it is a look up. 

On days where I may feel a lack of confidence, what is the source of that feeling? It is often lies whispered in my ear, to keep me from saying something, or helping someone. But sometimes it is my own voice from the past, me remembering my own mistakes, my own mess ups and even though I have grown, and repented for the wrongs, I occasionally get stuck thinking that they hold me back, and make me not qualified to share, or help. So, I keep my mouth shut, keeping me invisible. That is a really good example of hiding my light, (Matthew 5:15) which is what I am NOT supposed to do. Matthew 5:16 tells me to "Let your light so shine before men." 

How do I let my light shine before others? It is not to bring attention to me. It is to simply be what is needed where it is needed. It is to be the extended hand of Jesus, extending to others that He loves and cares for others, too.

What does it mean to be hidden, though. When I think of being hidden, I think of playing as a child, and with my kids and grandkids, the game Hide & Seek; I think of when the Lord tucked Moses in the cleft of the rock, when He passed by; and I think of The Hiding Place (where the ten Boom family had a secret place behind a closet for the Jews to hide.)

The last example really struck me. Hidden- the Jews were hidden from danger, they were not visible to the enemy. I have read stories of missionaries that were crossing borders into countries where it was illegal to take Bibles, or they were wanted there, and God literally "hid" them, or closed the eyes of those that meant harm.

(Photo taken from Person hiding behind tree Stock Photos - Page 1 : Masterfile)

If I am feeling invisible, I need to talk with the Father and see what it is in my heart that is causing this feeling. Sometimes, I may be feeling something that is truly happening, but I may instead be allowing my past to pull up the shields to keep me from hurt, or embarrassment, or just discomfort. I need to remember that many of those moments are divine appointments for a specific reason- because something that I have been through, can bless or encourage someone. 

My testimony could help or strengthen someone else along their path, and that is part of why I am here, and why the enemy is trying to keep me shut down. Feeling invisible, is like the evidence that the basket is covering my light from shining, like I am supposed to do. 

Hidden, like Moses, like the spies that were sent into Jericho, like David when he was running from Saul, and Paul when he was lowered over the wall in a basket... It is protection from something meant to stope me from doing something I am meant to do. Hidden is what Moses' mother and family did to save his life. Psalm 91:1 says, "When you abide under the shadow of Shaddai, you are hidden in the strength of God Most High." (TPT)

He is teaching me again, in new depths, that all of my life He has known me. When He first started revealing this to me, I heard this song that spoke straight to it. He Knows My Name sung by Francesca Battistelli. It seemed like she was singing about me and my life. The chorus reminded me that I don't need anytime or fortune, because all He knows me. He knew me before I was born, He knows everything there is to know about me, and He loves me. In the second verse, it is a reminder that staying invisible is not what I am created for, because He has given me a voice and a story that is meant to be told. 

The thoughts of being "invisible" come to keep the voice/story, that is needed to be told, quiet. I need to lean on the confidence in Him, and not let fear keep me timid and quiet. 

Lord, I thank you that I am here because You created me, and You have known me from before I was born. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for reminding me that all I have walked through, with You, gives me a testimony to share and encourage others. Help me to remember when I am feeling invisible, that I am always seen by You. Help me to share the story You have written on my life, so far, and that if you can do it for me, you can do it for others, too. Help me to pay attention to the shoulder taps, and the nudges, when You are leading me to share, and not to hide beneath the basket. Amen.

Waiting on the Lord to Loose the Weight that Holds Me Down

 When I hear the word, not in a sentence, just the word, "wait"- but may hear it incorrectly as "weight". I know that I am a fairly patient person, but I also have issues waiting on things that I think should happen earlier or more quickly than they have, or do. I also have struggled for much of my life to get control of my appetite and weight. 

I know that there are some promises and prayers I have prayed where I am still waiting on God to see the answer happen. I will admit that too often my waiting has been more impatient than it should have been. Maybe something like this...

                                                     (Photo taken from iStock)

Can you relate to feeling that way? I know I shouldn't, but there are some prayers I have prayed for a long time. (Yes, I know time is relative- but it sure feels that way.) 

Do I know the Lord has heard the prayer? Yes. 

Do I know the Lord cares? Yes. 

Do I know that this is His will? 

   For most of them... YES, absolutely, YES! 

SO, I wait... On Him.

                                                    (Photo from Adobe Stock)

While I am learning to wait on the Lord, with a better attitude, not a hurting heart. I am learning to trust in deeper ways, that He knows when it is the right time. I am learning new depths of His love, and that He cares- but also to listen and hear what is on His heart. I also know that in the waiting I am changing. The parts of me that need new alignment with His heart, are getting their needed adjustments. 

Isaiah 40: 31 - "But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. they spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind." (MSG)

I know that in the past I have read this verse and I have wanted to soar, like it says we will do. However, this time, what I see is that waiting on the Lord builds your spiritual muscles. In the natural you lift weights, to tone and strengthen the muscles in your body; so, waiting on the Lord builds your spirit, giving you strength to run longer, or walk longer and to not faint.

When building muscle, sometimes it takes a while before we see the definition, before it starts to be noticeable. It takes time of using weights, and exercises to work certain muscles, and it takes being faithful, dedicated, regular at working on it, to see a difference. 

Waiting on the Lord is working different "muscles". It's learning to regularly listen to Him. It is regularly taking time to get quiet in His presence, and You will hear His heart, and His desires. 

As I sit with Him, the cares that are on my heart can be left at his feet. The parts of me that are not in agreement with His heart, and His way, they "weigh me down". But so do the hurts that have happened and we still carry those scars. The scars can come from so many things- what someone does to me, or says about me; from a traumatic event, for a few ways. Sometimes those scars can make me feel like I am heavier, or just like I am carrying weight that I don't know how to let go of.

                        (Photo from iStock)

As I think of this, I am reminded of this verse, "...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (Hebrews 12: 1b- NKJV)

Waiting on the Lord, helps me lay aside the weight that would keep me from running the race. Because Waiting brings a fresh strength to run and to soar!

Lord, I know that there are scars and hurts that I have left buried, but that are weighing me down, making the race I am set to run more challenging than it needs to be. I want to practice more, and grow in my waiting on you to hear Your heart, and Your leading. Thank you that as I wait, you hear, you heal, and you strengthen me, to grow and fulfill all that you have destined me to do. - Amen

Watch My Heart

I had a lightbulb moment last night. As I was working on something on my computer, I had a movie on in the background. My husband was sitting in his chair reading and all of a sudden what I was hearing from the TV at the time hit me, and it connected with a few things I've read or heard in the last 15 days, or so. (Yes... sometimes it takes a 2" x 4" hitting me over the head for things to connect.) 

I woke up one morning about the middle of this month with a song and the lyrics encouraged my heart that the prodigals are coming back to the Father's house. I prayed, and have continued to do so, as the Lord brings it to my heart. 

But last night, I heard a commercial on the TV and the words were repeated three times in a row, "Come home". THEN I remembered of the movies I've watched in the last 10 days, two or three of them were titled "Time For Them (or Him, or Her- depending on the movie) to Come Home..." Then another commercial came on singing "I'll Be Home For Christmas".

(Photo take from https://churchsetfree.com/2018/01/29/the-prodigal-son/)

So, this morning I picked up the Bible and read Luke 15:11-32. The parable of the Prodigal Son. Many of us have read it repeatedly. Many of us have heard many messages on it. Many of us, at some point in our life may have felt like we were the prodigal. When I read it, the question I felt me asking myself is how will I respond to a prodigal when they come back? 

When the prodigal comes back- the Father runs to meet him. 

When the prodigal comes back- the Father gives him a new robe.

When the prodigal comes back- the Father gives him new shoes.

When the prodigal comes back- the Father gives him a ring.

When the prodigal comes back- the Father gives him a feast.

BUT

When the prodigal comes back- the elder brother pouts.

When the prodigal comes back- the elder brother complains.

When the prodigal comes back- the elder brother won't rejoice.

When the prodigal comes back- the elder brother has a pity party.

(Photo taken from https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/pouting.html)

It may seem when they come back to the Father's house that the prodigal is being celebrated, and I may not have felt that while I stayed and they didn't. 

If I do not watch my heart and attitude, this can open the door for jealousy, bitterness and more.

I know there is another parable about the shepherd that looses one of this 100 sheep, and he leaves the 99 to go find the one, and when he finds it he calls everyone to rejoice with him because it is found. (Matthew 18:10-14 & Luke 15:4-7)

I know that Luke 15:7 tells us "...there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance."

The elder brother in this parable tells the Father all the good he has done for the Father, and he isn't corrected on that. The Father simply wants him to rejoice with Him over the brother that came back to life from being dead. 

It seems like a simple concept, and a simple request. However, when I have allowed, and even nurtured, hard feelings, a grudge, or judged someone when they were not in Father's house; when they come home what has been allowed has grown and will keep me from being able to rejoice and celebrate with my Father.

Lord, thank You for the reception You gave me, when I came back to you after running. Thank you for the love You showed me, and for those that celebrated with You over my return. Help me to keep my heart clean from jealousy, bitterness, and any judgmental attitude towards those that are still running. Help me to love with Your love and rejoice with You, over their return. Thank you that they are coming home!!! Amen.

Gratitude and Prayers

 There has been a lot of preparation going on here at my house, for family that came over yesterday to celebrate together. Including my husband and I we had 20 people here, and I loved every moment of it! The day before, my oldest granddaughter came and helped with some of the cooking, and today she and her sister and mother will come to help with decorating for Christmas. Making memories together is SO much fun! 

One of the family often brings a trivia quiz for us to work after we have our meal, and they did again yesterday. The conversation while we are all trying to answer the questions, is so, so much fun. But we did a new thing this year... we took turns going around the group telling something for which we are grateful. Some were thankful for a specific food item we had just enjoyed, others for their family. I could have specified a food- because I do enjoy good food, which we had in overflow yesterday; but I honestly was not able to pick just one thing, so I kind of listed stuff... my family (beginning with my husband and girls, and grands- extending to the sisters-in-love, their husbands, the nieces and nephews, too), friends, and the time we were able to have together yesterday... salvation, knowing God has a plan for MY life, and so much more... 

My heart was filled to overflowing yesterday, to have time (and we were together for about 4 or 5 hours! Yay!) with family, and to have room for us to hang out and be family.

As I was working on some of the clean up, I felt FULL- both from the food, and all the blessings of the day. 

While sitting here this morning, I have the thought of the passage that tells us of the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Revelation 19:9 "Then he said to me, "Write: 'Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb'!" And he said to me,"These are the true sayings of God"." This table and mine (pictured above) can't compare... mine is large and will sit about 14 people- but the one for this meal will sit everyone together! I can't even fathom how many people His table will sit. We are told he has gone to prepare a place for us, I wonder if that is just the dwelling place, OR if it includes our place at the table for the feast? 

I've seen the picture of the beautifully set table that fades into the background with settings for many... I found one that is similar online (https://revkevrevelations.wordpress.com/2016/03/10/the-marriage-supper-of-the-lamb-an-earthly-event/) and it seemed to fit similar to what I remember- but not exactly.

I know that for me, yesterday was amazing, and each time we have company sitting at our table, it is a small reminder of what is to come... but I find myself wondering who will be sitting at the table with me? Will there be friends of mine here, that don't make it? Will there be family that doesn't? 

In my gratitude for what is, it also helps me to pray for those that do not yet know and walk with the Lord. It helps me to desire to be a better witness, and example of those that know Him. I want others to see Him and know how much He loves them. I want others to get to know Him, too.

Lord, thank you for the small taste of what it will be like sitting at the Marriage Supper with you and your bride. Thank you for all the promises you have spoken for us, and thank you for all that You have already done!  You are Good, and I lack enough words to express how deeply I am grateful that I get to do life walking with and knowing You. Help me to know you more deeply and help me to walk nearer to You each day. "I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand, lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat". 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 

Waiting to Burn

 I have been waking up to the same song, a LOT over the last two weeks; and I think I may possibly be starting to connect some dots, as to some of what the Lord may be saying. 

It started with a devotional I listened to, September 21. The devotional speaks to the Baptism of Fire. An encounter with God that truly changes and marks my life, to no longer be the same, and to move in and with the Power of the Spirit. 

Acts 1:8 "But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, in Judea, and in Samaria, and to the end of the earth." (NKJV)

This verse is often used in speaking of what happens when you are baptized in the Holy Spirit; but it is not the only time Holy Spirit can and will come on you. Encounters with Holy Spirit should be fairly regular, but sometimes they are more intense. And each one works to reveal more of Him in and through me; so I want to be positioned for more of these encounters. But as I was listening to this post, I was reminded of one from just over a year ago. The older devotional had actually stirred me up enough that with some digging, the Lord gave me a message to share. 

In it the author asks, "What will happen when Holy Spirit lights a fresh fire in all the Ekklesias- churches... at the same time?" His answer is a "Super Pentecost, a surging, worldwide Pentecost." He speaks of angels being present to keep the portal to Heaven open. They also, as carriers of His glory-fire, minister that to those they are sent to.

God is offering to visit with a Baptism of Fire. It's a choice, and it cannot be forced or generated by anything I do. However, in deciding that I want it, what do I do to be ready?

1- Choose- "Yes"- it is a decision, as it was for Moses to turn aside to see the burning bush, and as it was for the 120 souls to wait in the upper room. 

2- Be positioned to receive it- Having your quiet time the way you always have, will not bring change.

    Cleanse your heart- repent of sins the Lord shows you

    Fast from what He shows you to leave alone

    Wait on Him- listen for His heart (in the upper room- they waited).

3- ASK- (James 4:2b - "You do not have because you do not ask." NKJV)

4- Worship- This is not just speaking of singing to the Lord. It can be quiet meditation, it can be cleaning Your home. God is looking for worshippers, he doesn't need the worship, He wants Your heart.

5- WAIT- this isn't set the clock for 5 minutes and give up. Be patient, wait on the Lord. Get your heart and mind quiet, concentrate on the Lord and wait for Him. In the waiting on Him, trust that He will come.

These have definite all tied together and then the song I have been hearing so much is by Matt Redman. It's called "Gracefully Broken". The part I keep hearing says this: 

"And find my heart on the altar again, Set me on fire, set me on fire. Here I am, God, arms wide open, Pouring out my life, gracefully broken."

(Both pictures taken from Google)

Father, Thank you for helping me to connect the dots of all You were showing me, and saying to me over the last 3 weeks. I say "Yes, Lord!" I am willing to participate in all You have for me. I ask for the Baptism of Fire! I repent of anything in my life that would stand in the way of my receiving this and moving into what You have for me; and I thank you for helping me to know what I need to let go of that keeps me from being ready for all You have for me. I love you, Lord!

(*Devotions that I took some of the information from are three Give Him 15 posts. 1-June 15, 2022; 2-September 21, 2023, & 3-September 22, 2023.)

Come to Him...

Matthew 11: 28 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." 

How many times have I read this verse? 

How many times have I heard someone minister on this?

Both when I have read it, and heard others share on it, the theme seemed to be this... when I am tired, and struggling, come to Jesus and He will help me. Am I the only one that has thought that?

Well, first I want to look at the definitions.

Weary means "1- Having the strength much exhausted by toil or violent exertion; tired; fatigued. 2- Having the patience exhausted, or the mind yielding to discouragement. 3- Causing weariness; tiresome;" (1828 Noah Webster's Dictionary definition)

Heavy laden means "To load up (properly, as a vessel or animal) i.e. (figuratively) to overburden with ceremony (or spiritual anxiety):" (Blue Letter Bible- Strong's Definition)

Have you felt weary? 

Have you felt like the load of responsibilities just keeps getting heavier? 

I know I have felt that way, and I know many that have felt that, too

But first, let's take those feelings and like it says in 1 Peter 5: 7 "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."

Lord, I take the feelings of weariness, and burdens that I have, and I throw them at Your feet.

But when I read this verse, this last time the part that hit me was three simple words. "Come to Me..."

Yes, Lord!

When I am tired... Come to Him.

When I am hurting... Come to Him.

When I am overwhelmed... Come to Him.

When I don't see the next step... Come to Him.

But also...

When prayers have been answered... Come to Him

When I feel good... Come to Him.

When it seems I shouldn't bother Him... Come to Him.

At ANY time... Come to Him.

With ANY thing... Come to Him.

                        (pngtree via Google)

God is a good Father. He doesn't just want me to figure things out. He wants me to come to Him. 

If there is something I don't want to take to Him- I either need to release it, and not be part of it OR I need to get my heart right and trust Him with it.

Thank you, Father, for reminding me, and opening my eyes to see more clearly that You truly desire me to come to You. You want me to come to you no matter what I am going through. You are showing me more often how much You desire for me to come to You and spend time with You. 

I choose to come to You each day, in all circumstances. Thank you!!

What Will Your Answer Be?

I was having a conversation with my husband about the fact that everyone is called by God. The most important part of that calling is my relationship with Him. He wants my company, not only to talk to Him, but to be still and listen as He shares with me. That intimacy with God will bear fruit. Fruit takes time.

The definition of "Intimacy" (according to the 1828 Noah Webster dictionary) is: "close familiarity or fellowship; nearness in friendship." Then if you look at the newer Webster dictionary it adds, "familiarity; something of a personal or private nature."

Intimacy... this word often brings up images of  the closeness of a husband and wife. I know I have used it that way, and thought of it that way, but that is not all that word includes. In saying that I am intimate with my  childhood best friend, would be correct; as well as saying that a husband and wife are intimate. 

When I have a best friend, how does the relationship get so strong? We both share everything with each other. The good, the bad, and the ugly- right? I had a few really close friends through most of school. What helped us to be so close? 

We'd hang out at school as much as we could. We would spend the night at each other's homes, we invited to each other to birthday parties, we would talk about just about everything... every tiny little detail. 

BUT it isn't just talk to them, it is listening to them, too. Spending the time with each other means that I may decide to miss other events, or happenings along the way. There were sometimes, when I was young and still at home, my parents may have said I had to miss being with my friend to be with the family, and I am sure there was some pouting involved there; but that would be part of what we'd talk about the next time we were together. 

Isn't this what God wants? 

    God wants me to spend time with Him. 

    God wants me to tell Him about everything, and be willing to listen to His heart- because He loves to share with me, too. But, it may mean that I miss watching my favorite show on TV, or something else a bit more trivial. I have to decide which I value more. 

BUT- God can go with me everywhere I go! I don't have to do things without Him! 

In building this intimate relationship with the Lord, as He shares with me, and it will have fruit. 

What was it like when...

     Adam and Eve walked with God in the cool of the evening. 

     Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord. 

     Abraham was called to leave the land of his father to find a city that God would show him, and is later promised that his seed would be as the stars in the sky. He is promised this, even though his wife is "barren". 

    Joseph was sold by his brothers, to a land far from home and family. 

    David fellowshipped with the Lord, worshipped Him while tending the sheep. 

    Samson was betrayed by his own countrymen to be given over to the enemy.

    Daniel was thrown into the lion's den, and not harmed. 

    Mary was visited by Gabriel and told she was highly favored and would carry and birth the Savior.

Throughout the history of mankind, every single person has been asked this question, "Will you pay the price?" 

This doesn't always mean a dollar amount, per se. 

This can look more like Daniel facing the lion's den, because others were jealous, 

It can look like David being chased by King Saul. 

It can look like Noah while he was building the ark, facing criticism. 

It can look like Samson, when his own people tie him up to give him to the Philistines. 

It can look like Mary, a young Jewish girl that accepts the mission to give birth to Jesus. 

It can look like Paul escaping over a city wall in a basket... but look at the fruit from each of these that decided time with the Lord and following Him was worth it! 

Daniel came through the lion's den and the king made a new proclamation declaring God's goodness. 

Noah saved humanity and animals in the ark.

Samson killed 1,000 Philistines after allowing his own people to tie him up to surrender him to the enemy.

Paul's journey and taught many about the Lord, but also wrote letters giving us much of the New Testament.

Mary surrendered her reputation, knowing she could literally die, and she gave birth to Jesus- the Savior!

There have been many others through the years that have given their "Yes", some have become well known and others have simply lived their life under the radar, making waves in the world that were the result of their decision.

The question is still being asked of me, and of you.

Will you pay the price? 

Will you spend time with the Father, to get to know Him, and gather the seeds that you are meant to sow for the harvest?

Will you surrender your reputation? 

Will you lay down your personal plans, knowing that He only has good for you and for your life?

Will you work with Him to bring forth the fruit  of the seed(s) He planted in the womb of your spirit? OR will you quit and abort what He wants to do with you? 

The fruit that comes from time with Him is not just for me and you. It impacts everyone around us. 

Will I see that fruit? 

Well, I can't give a definite answer to those questions. 

Seeds take time to germinate, and grow. You plant them in the soil where the sun will warm it. You add water, and you wait. 

When I say, "Yes" to the Father, and I spend time with Him, to get to know Him and hear what He would share with me. I am gathering those seeds to share as I walk through each day. (Seeds are meant to be planted, not kept.) Some seeds will germinate and sprout more quickly than others, but the seeds He gives will ALL bring forth.

Remember the peony plant? You plant it and it takes 3 years to flower. Fruit trees grow, but take between 3 and 6 years to bear, depending on the fruit. Just be faithful to share what is given to you, and He will take care of the rest.

Lord, I hear you asking me... Will you pay the price? Will you make time to spend it getting to know me? Will you surrender to MY beautiful destiny for you? Help me to lay down my plans that I may walk in all of what You have called me to. Help me to take the time each day to be with You, to hear Your voice as you share Your heart with me. Help me to be a laid down lover of You; knowing it is all for Your glory!